A disappointed customer sends the following email to the head of Customer Service at Mayan Prophecies Inc.

Dear Sir,

For many years now, I have been a loyal subscriber to the services and prophecies of Mayan Inc, and have been lapping them up. As a matter of fact, I have grown up on a steady dose of your doomsday prophecies, which have nourished my mind, body and soul for all these years, and have been an integral part of my life. Not only have I faithfully subscribed to your services, I have been instrumental in recommending you to so many people in my circles. I have even gone out of my way to spread the word on Facebook, Twitter and all the other available social media, and even dedicated an entire website to the prophecy.

I have been a strong believer in your services, so much so, that I started preparing for the end of the world several days ago. I gave up my job, pulled out all my savings, and splurged on partying, shopping, and generally having a good time, in the genuine belief that I had but a few days left to live. Like a good Samaritan, I even distributed a part of my belongings and wealth to those less fortunate, so as to let them feel that they too could have a taste of good life and a good time before the end of the world consumed them. I even stopped planning for anything beyond 21 December 2012, and came to terms with the fact that life was about to end soon. So strong was my belief in you that I also cancelled my life insurance and took back whatever sum that had accrued till date.

Last night, believing again in all sincerity that this was to be my last night on earth, I partied hard. I organised a big bash, invited all my friends and neighbours, ordered the best food and wine that money could buy, wore my best clothes, and had a heck of a good time in general. After all, this was to be my last party, and with it was the realisation that you only live once. We partied well into the night and everyone who was there agreed that this was the best party that they had ever attended. I do not know how the party ended, and where everyone went, as I was too sozzled to care.

I woke up sometime late this morning, expecting to be in heaven surrounded by angels, with all my worldly problems left behind me. My hangover has gradually abated, however, and a sense of shock and disbelief is slowly overtaking me now. All around me, the only destruction that I can see is broken crockery and some of my most expensive furniture. I have a vague recall that several of us had climbed on to the dining table last night in an attempt to make our farewell speeches… but that is the last thing that I can recall about the party. My head still throbs and even as I type this on my laptop with a broken screen (I’m still wondering how this still functions, and how the screen cracked in the first place !), I can see a few people scattered around me in various postures and stages of undress. Some of them have begun to come to, and like me, I am sure they are also going to be bitterly disappointed at still being alive.

As an aggrieved customer of long standing, it pains me that you have not lived up to your tall claims. Not only has the world survived, it has survived without any visible changes. As a direct result of your failed prophecies I am now left jobless, penniless and clueless as to what my future is going to be, and it is all because YOU, sir, had assured me that there would not be a future beyond the specified world expiry date. How could you do this to your most loyal subscriber ?

Please be advised, sir, that I will not let this matter rest. Unless you make good to me all my losses, and restore the future to its original state, I intend to take strong legal action against you for recovery of my all losses as well as punitive damages for the mental agony caused to me, my immediate family, and my circle of fellow believers.

I do hope that I can expect the courtesy of a reply soon.

Sincerely,

Doomsday Proponent.

The first response from Mayan Inc reads as below:

Dear Doomsday Proponent,

This is an automated response to let you know that we have received your email. Please do not respond to this mail. Your concerns have been noted and are being looked into. Someone from our Customer Care will revert to you shortly. Till then, we request you to kindly be patient, and to keep subscribing to our services and products.

Sincerely,

Mayan Inc

And finally, after 48 hours comes the reply below:

Dear Doomsday Proponent,

It is with a sense of grave concern that we have gone through the contents of your email. At the outset, we would like to offer our sincere apologies for the inconvenience caused to you. We would like to assure you that we make every effort to ensure that we dish out accurate prophecies to our subscribers, and each prophecy is individually checked under the most stringent test conditions. At the same time, we would also like to bring to your notice that at the time when this version of the prophecy was released, ideal test conditions, regretfully, did not exist, and neither did we have the benefit of accurate computing and hence we were unable to create the requisite simulated environment to verify its validity. In such a scenario, despite all the odds, we did the best that was possible.

Further, we would like to draw your attention to the fact that while subscribing to the prophecies you agreed to the terms and conditions attached to it, and we do hope that you read the same before pressing enter to give your consent. If not, we would be happy to send you a copy of the same again for your reference. We would like to inform you that the prophecy that you subscribed to came with no guarantees whatsoever, and that you subscribed to it at your own risk and peril, and our liability in this case is limited to offering you an alternate replacement prophecy of your choice.

However, in view of your current circumstances and predicament, as highlighted by you in your email, the management has decided that as a special case, we will offer you two prophecies instead of one, and you are free to visit any of our outlets, along with a copy of this mail, and collect any two fresh prophecies of your choice.

It has always been our endeavour to ensure customer satisfaction, and we regret the fact that we were not able to live up to your expectations this time. We do hope, however, that you will take advantage of this generous offer, and we look forward to your continued support. After all, it is valued customers like you that keep us in business. If there is anything else that we can assist you with, please do not hesitate to contact us.

Sincerely,

Head – Customer Care

Mayan Inc.